What if, what if, what if?

What If, What If, What If…

For a long time now I feel like I have been numb.  That’s the best word I can use to describe this feeling.  I’m doing the same things day in and day out and routine has set in.  Yet, I feel like I am missing passion.  I feel like my usual sparkle (yes, I do believe I have a sparkle – and you do too) is dull and I’m not happy in the day to day routine.
I’ve always been a person who has to have a goal and something to work toward.  Whenever I’ve had a task in front of me I have excelled  and done more than I ever thought I could.  Yet lately I have been stuck in a rut of not knowing what I should set my sights on.
Well that’s not really true.  There are a few things I’d really like to accomplish but I am too scared to admit them.  Because I’m afraid of ‘What if…..
  *I fail
  *People tell me I’ll fail
  *I will make mistakes
  *No one believes in me
  *I don’t believe in myself
  *I actually succeed
  *I let success go to my head
Crazy huh?  It really is when you look at it. Yet that little voice inside my head is nagging at me saying “what if, what if, what if” and I’m paralyzed.  I’ve really let it take hold of my life lately in so many ways.  And I want to take my life back.  So I’m going to make my bed.
What does that have to do with anything?  Well, it’s because of Pam Adams that I’m going to make my bed. We were talking about all the things I’ve just said and she told me that she used to be a procrastinator among other things.  So she decided that she would make a commitment to make her bed every morning (which she hadn’t done before and I don’t either) in an attempt to start a new chapter in her thinking.  First, she said she’d do it for 30 days so it was a commitment that would turn into a habit.  Second it was setting the tone for her day – accomplishment, organization, a clean slate.  Sounds nice doesn’t it?  For me this will also be a metaphor – you know the saying “You made your bed, now lie in it?”  Well, I want to lie in a bed of my own making, rather than be made into a  bed of numbness and complacency by succumbing to my fears, doubts, cravings for donuts, etc.
It’s only a step, but a very important one on what will become a journey to enabling myself to not just survive, but to thrive.  I will be 41 in a few days and I want this to be the year of me – of finding my old self and smashing through obstacles and reaching my very scary (to me) goals.  Maybe I will tell them to you in time.   Maybe not.  And in case you were wondering, Pam Adams still makes her bed every morning.
See you in class and the studio!
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Kelly Bojan

About Kelly Bojan

Kelly has been involved in the fitness industry for over 15 years. An interest in teaching classes in the 90's became a passion for all aspects of the industry. In addition to being an A.C.E. certified personal trainer and Power Pilates instructor, Kelly has managed several small chain and privately owned clubs. In the past eight years, she was the fitness and program director at a privately owned club. Kelly is the Assistant Program Director at Evolutions helping to generate ideas, quarterly challenges, assist with staff communication and auditing classes.

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