Thank God for compression pants! That is the only thought running through my head lately. Ever since I decided to go back to school, it seems that I am growing by leaps and bounds, and I don’t mean in a good way. Yes, the stress hormone cortisol is having an effect on me and my tendency to store belly fat (I refer to it as my ‘food baby’), but let’s be honest so do the cupcakes. Yes, the cupcakes that have been making an appearance in the offices at Evolutions. Because I care so much about my co-workers I did poison test the cupcakes for them. See how willing I am to take one for the team?
Of course I say all this with an air of sarcasm, but stress makes me want to eat. And shop. And shopping is no fun when you’ve appointed yourself Head Cupcake Tester and I find myself eating more. So why, why, why do I put myself onto this Merry-Go-Round of stressing, making poor food choices or eating when I ‘m not hungry, feeling bad about the way I feel and what I’m doing to myself, and then repeating that behavior? I don’t know. I honestly cannot answer, except to say that in some moments, not all, when faced with a choice about whether or not to eat the cupcake or buy the boots it’s as if my body has pulled a Linda Blair and I’m posessed. I act without thought, as if someone else has taken over my mind and my body. I don’t really stop and think. I just do. And about 30 seconds later when the damage has begun I realize what I’m doing. Some of you reading this may be thinking “Cop out!” but hey, I’ll bet my favorite handbag that I am not alone here.
I started recognizing this behavior pattern when my dad was dying and the autopilot reaction was much worse than it is now several years later. It hasn’t crept up on me in a long time, yet here it is again, rearing it’s ugly, over-indulgent head at another pivotal time in my life. So what to do? Buy bigger pants?? No, not an option. Recognition is a big part of it for me and admitting that it is happening. Which I’ve done here and now for the whole world to see – yay me! Now when that crazy moment strikes I will be ready because I know I’m vulnerable to it and I will be replacing that instant reaction of emotional avoidance with things like a walk, a phone call to a friend, meditation, a cup of tea or if I’m truly hungry how about something that actually has some nutrient density? That sounds like a good plan. One thing I’m not going to do is to beat myself up over it because that is not going to help. And I’m not going to poison test the new cupcakes that are now sitting in the office at this very minute, not 5 feet from me as I’ve officially resigned as Head Cupcake Tester.
See you in class and in the studio!